Over the years, we’ve all collected stuff that we are ashamed to have in the house. Stuff that is too ugly to keep, too expensive to throw out – unfortunate Christmas presents, out-of-date furniture, wide paisley ties we thought might come back into fashion. So what should we do with it? Take it to the landfill? Drop it off at the Goodwill? Make a trip to the recycling center?

Not a chance.

We’ll spread it out on the front lawn, put prices on it and have a lawn sale.

It sounds like such a good idea. A way to get rid of 6-pound wooden tennis rackets, dented chafing dishes, old, vinyl Carpenters’ albums, eight-track tapes, battered recliners, fondue pots that have never been used, Dictaphones, coolers in the shape of giant beer cans; beat-up copies of “Jonathan Livingston Seagull”; embroidered linen pillowcases and stacks of “Reader’s Digest Condensed Books.”

Unfortunately, it is the exact same junk all our neighbors are trying to get rid of. That’s why lawn sales are held on the weekend, so the entire mess won’t be confused for garbage and accidentally collected.