Start spreading the news, a New York pizzeria is offering a $1,000 pizza topped with caviar and lobster.

Actually, that is the best way to spread the news about your restaurant nowadays – make some ridiculously expensive item that no one (or almost no one) will ever buy and put out a press release. How long before other businesses try the same trick? Why don’t I write a book, print one copy and say it costs $2 million? That’s much more than I’d make if I did it the traditional way, and even if it didn’t sell, my name would be in the news for a week.

If I ever did sell a $2 million book, the first thing I’d do is go buy one of the $1,000 pizzas. Of course, I’d tell CNN and Fox and MSNBC exactly when I’d be at the pizza parlor so they could cover the “event” and give me even more publicity.

“How much with extra cheese?”

“Extra toppings are a $150.”

“Does that come with the garlic knots?”

“I’m not running a charity here. The garlic knots are extra – $75.”

The owner would ask me if I wanted my pizza cut in four pieces or eight, and I’d use the old Yogi Berra line, “Better make it four pieces. I don’t think I could eat eight.”

“Do you deliver?”

“Depends. Where do you live?”

“I just bought a million-dollar, one-bedroom apartment around the corner.”