The picture of a 13-year-old blonde girl crying helplessly in the studio audience while watching American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar charmingly butcher another unchallenging song was oddly riveting television. She was bawling as if he were clubbing baby pandas to death -- two at a time. It's a puzzlement.

I'm sure she was actually happy, and I'm equally sure she couldn't tell you exactly why she was crying. If she could just meet him, just hang out with him, just be friends with him, all her problems would disappear, she would be the most popular girl in school, her parents would suddenly understand her, she would no longer need braces, she would be forever confidant and secure.

She could tell Sanjaya anything. Sanjaya would never call her metal-mouth, Sanjaya would never let the Simon-like bullies at school tease her. Sanjaya's not scared of them.