According to the Pew Research Center, the percentage of Americans who consider children to be “very important for a successful marriage” has dropped to 41 percent, down from 65 percent since 1990. Satisfying sex (70 percent), sharing household chores (62 percent) and good housing (51 percent) all outranked parenthood on the marriage meter.

As the parents of two and the grandparents of six, we are clearly way out of step with this social trend. So was Phil Kaiser.

Phil died in May at age 93, and at his memorial service this week, many speakers recalled his professional accomplishments as a diplomat and public official under four Democratic presidents. They were warm and funny and occasionally eloquent. But only his son Bob (a friend since college) and his granddaughter Emily wept as they spoke.

Which raises the question: Who will cry for you? Friends, business associates, tennis partners, therapists – they will all remember you fondly and some will even miss you deeply. But will they weep? Has your impact on their lives been so strong that your passing will move them to tears?

Phil and Hannah Kaiser were married for 67 years. We’re approaching our 41st anniversary, but we totally respect others who made different choices than we did. We have friends and relatives who are happier without spouses or offspring. Others wanted a family but never found the right partner or conceived a child. We are not judging them.