This week’s column wasn’t written by me. It’s actually a letter written by a U.S. President from the future. It got delivered to my house by accident. But it sounds like the world is in great shape.

Here’s how it reads:

“Seriously, where would we be today without the leaf blower? I bet things would be wicked kruddy.

“I’m righting about it because the totally awesome ‘light beer and tanned chicks’ season is over, and ‘Halloween Candy and Football’ season has begun. And with it comes falling leaves on our lawns, a stupid thing that I’m sure most of us think would suck without the kick-assness of leaf blowers.