Meaningless quizzes are always fun and good for killing time. I made this one up the other day. And since I made it, I decided what the correct answers should – regardless of what society and proven science says. So your challenge: You have to guess what I say the right answers are. I recommend doing some mental exercises to dumb yourself way down first maybe beat your head against a wall or drink some aftershave. Match your answers up with mine at the bottom.

1. What are “think tanks?”

A. Special army vehicles developed during the Cold War that can simultaneously beat Russians at chess, smash enemy strongholds and calculate what percentage of the bill you should tip a waitress.

B. Large canisters of Nitrous oxide (a.k.a. “laughing gas”) that when inhaled make old, smelly, worthless hippies think they are young, vibrant and not washed-up embarrassments for 15 to 20 seconds.

C. Clear enclosures filled with water that allow lonely people to look at fish and other creatures with delight and fascination as they think to themselves, “If these goldfish are my only friends, does that make me a loser?”

D. An institute, corporation, or group organized for interdisciplinary research, usually conducted for governmental and commercial clients.

2. What are “French benefits?”

A. Magical changes made to bland food items that turns them into really awesome-tasting snacks, such as French toast, French fries and French onion soup.