In CB radio land, people have a funny way of saying everything. Take the phrase, “got your ears on?” That’s slang for asking someone, “are you currently on the air and available to chat?” They also call each other by cool nicknames like “Beef Jerky” and, if driving, refer to attractive female passengers as “seat covers” – Nice. (Wonder what they call attractive female passengers when they get creeped out and jump from of a moving vehicle?).

CB is actually short for Citizens’ Band Radio. It was first regulated by the FCC in the 1940s as a way for people to talk to each other over the airways. It got popular in the 1970s, but eventually faded, like Quaaludes and disco.

Starting today, the only way anyone will be able to reach me from now on will be by CB. My cheap (yet expensive), defective, never-in-service, no-longer-under-warranty, still-stuck-in-a-contract cell phone is headed for the bottom of a lake (or into one of those donation bins for domestic violence victims, but honestly, aren’t they the last people who should be subjected to this torture?). I’m not going to take it anymore.

For starters, I don’t use my cell phone enough to justify the cost. It’s like paying full-price for college only to be a part-time student who studies the Cultural Misunderstandings of Foosball.