They say most married couples’ fights start over money. I don’t believe it. Didn’t Cher have a weeklong marriage once? Was there even time to fight about money. Lisa Marie Presley was married to Nick Cage for a few months, but she was married to Michael Jackson for almost two years. It’s hard to believe that Lisa Marie and Michael ever fought about money, unless it was, “Why don’t we have more?”

Wasn’t Britney Spears married for a whole afternoon a few years ago? What could that happy couple have fought about in a single afternoon? Money?

“Honey, where’s my wallet? I left it right here. It had $5 million in it and that fake ID I use to buy beer at the convenience store.”

“How should I know? What do I look like, a CSI? I want a divorce.”

I think the collapse of these minute marriages are caused by a disease I call Snow White Disorder (SWD), which is the delusion that normal, rational people have: thinking all their problems will disappear once they marry Prince Charming or Snow White. Suddenly, their boss will be nice to them; suddenly, they’ll get along with every member of their family; suddenly, network TV will get better; suddenly they will lose weight; suddenly, their hair will stop thinning.

None of these things will happen.