I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while, and I’ve decided, in my opinion, the only thing worse than watching the Miss USA pageant on television is watching the Best in Show dog competition that was on recently.

I have nothing against beauty pageants in particular, it’s just that watching them makes me wish I could be watching anything more interesting, like paint drying or the clothes going around and around in the dryer or even those horrible morning news programs that I like to complain about. I have nothing against the girls who compete in the competitions, although the tradition seems to be a bit antiquated and sexist, I just am not all that interested in hearing their opinions on global affairs, the national deficit and “world peace.”

Maybe it’s because I despise the sexism of the affair – you don’t see any muscley young men up there with glossed up lips and speedos – or maybe it’s just because I could never look that good in a bikini. Either way, there are few things on television that I find less interesting.