How did whoever invented the word Colonel get people to believe that it sounds like Kernel?

It was either a colossal mistake that no one bothered to fix or, as I presume, it was the greatest practical joke that’s ever been played on a language.

How else could we rationalize the Colonel/Kernel situation? I’d like to hear some linguist try and tell me tacking a ‘nel’ on the end of Colo and Ker makes them phonetically the same and still keep a straight face. I’ll be convinced when funnel and phenomenal are homonyms.

The Colonel question has plagued me since I could read. It breaks every rule in the book – hooked on phonics, baby – and no one, but me, has ever seemed to care. And for as much as I’ve thought about it, I’ve never looked for the answer. Why not? This is a case where it’s a lot more fun to dream up one’s own conclusions.

First: If I thought the explanation behind Colonel sounding like Kernel would crack the case on some near-ancient mystery, then sure, I’d scour the earth, er, Wikipedia, for it. But I figure if it were some goof, people infinitely smarter than me would’ve already fixed it. Second: If knowing why Colonel sounded like Kernel was worth a sailor’s cold sore, I would have cleared it up by now.