Some people got sick after eating dishes with tomatoes in them, but most people didn’t – some at home, some in restaurants. It was happening all across the country. A lot of people said they ate dishes with tomatoes in them. So, it’s got to be the tomatoes, right? It couldn’t possibly be the minimum-wage busboy who didn’t wash his hands after using the restroom. After all, he already washed his hands once today. It must be the tomatoes! It couldn’t be the grabby 3-year-old behind you who crawled on the floor then sucked his fingers and touched everything he could reach on his way out. He probably got sick from tomatoes.

It can’t be the ice they put in your soda that comes from a machine that hasn’t been cleaned since it was first installed; it’s got to be the tomatoes.

It couldn’t have been the guy who sneezed as he walked past your table without covering his nose; it must be the tomatoes.

It couldn’t come from touching the menus that have been handled by every customer that’s ever been in the place. There’s no way that could transmit germs; it must be the tomatoes.