I received a call from my credit card company the other day telling me there was some “unusual activity” on my account. Hmmm, 12 65-inch plasma TVs, 18 iPhones, 22 Xbox games, 900 gallons of diesel fuel, several gold chains, $6,000 worth of NFL memorabilia and a box of blueberry bagels. Whoa! Blueberry bagels? Maybe that was the “unusual activity” they were talking about. That must have been the tipoff. Anyone who knows me knows I only eat plain bagels.

Or was it the fact that all this stuff was bought in a city a thousand miles from my home in a single 15-minute period? All in the same store? Even with a list it would take me longer than that. I’ve spent longer than 15 minutes buying cat food ... and these guys are getting plasma TVs? Have you ever tried to put 900 gallons of diesel in a cart? Knowing me, I’d get it all in one cart and then find out one of the wheels was square and have to put it all in another.

Could it be that in the 15 years I’ve had that card I’ve never charged more than a few hundred dollars on it that tipped them off?

“Has your card been lost or stolen?” they asked.

“No, here it is, right in my wallet, where it’s sat unused for the last two years.”