Dear Maggie,

I’m at my wit’s end. My husband is just not very nice to me. He says he loves me, and he isn’t abusive and he doesn’t yell. But he’s always criticizing me. Just nitpicking about the way I do things, or the way I dress, or the way my hair looks or my makeup. Worst of all, he often does this in front of other people. Oh, I don’t know how to make it clear the way he does this. It’s not overt, like, “My wife’s a slob.” It’s more like, someone will mention housework, and he’ll make a joke, like, “Housework. You’d better get a dictionary, as my wife doesn’t know that word.” And then he’ll laugh and smile at me, and pat my thigh, as if it’s just an affectionate joke. But it’s not a joke. It’s an insult. I feel myself insulted and degraded all the time and when I try to tell him about it, he says I’m being over sensitive. And yet, living with this day in and day out is beginning to wear on me. Help!

Signed,

Tired Out & Fed Up

Dear TO & FU (Gotta love those initials!)

First, yes he is abusive. This is abuse. Second, no, he’s not joking. He’s being what the shrinks call passive aggressive.