Skeptics ask “Can you really see the future?” and I say, didn’t I predict that some major movie stars would be involved in scandals last year? Sure enough, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen were all People-magazined to death last year, so I guess you can chalk that one up in the “win” column for me. I also predicted there would be tornados and unusual weather this past year, and sure enough, that’s just what we got. Can I put the “kick” in psychic or what? I don’t want to claim that I have some supernatural power, but I make Nostradamus look like a sideshow fortuneteller. He pretended to know the future, but he really hid behind a bunch of gobbledy-gook that could be interpreted a thousand different ways. He would have made a great stockbroker.

Did Nostradamus predict there’d be trouble in the Middle East last year the way I did? No, he wrote some stupid poems that could mean practically anything. It’s like saying that every time there’s a white Christmas that Irving Berlin predicted it. If you live in Florida, it’s a lousy prediction.

Predicting the future has its limits. While I can see other peoples’ futures, I am blind to my own. I was totally surprised when Sue said she was taking the kids and leaving. Partly because I didn’t know we had any kids and partly because I thought she had already left, but you get my drift.