At bars, stadiums and arenas all over the country, a new beverage is popping up. Well, not so much a new beverage as a new way of pouring an old beverage.

Some college kid – a college kid who can now afford to drop out of college, which is about the only thing that costs more than staying in college – has invented a way to get beer into a plastic cup faster than an undergrad can pull out a fake ID. This device can pump out 30 beers a minute. It is a life-changing invention that will probably end up making more money than Facebook, Twitter, Apple and Google combined. If you don’t have one in your neighborhood yet, you will soon.

“It doesn’t have a head,” exclaimed one young drinker, as if that was the best thing that had happened since the Wright brothers invented texting. Apparently, the head on beer is just stupid foam that wastes valuable space in a cup that could be used for beer.