Actor Mel Gibson – in director Richard Donner’s 1997 motion picture “Conspiracy Theory” – states something along the lines of, “A good conspiracy is an unprovable one ... if you can prove it, somebody has screwed up.” Which is probably why there are so many of the damn things (conspiracy theories, I mean) kicking around nowadays. Add to that the technological marvel that is the Internet (and all the misinformation that can be found therein), and it’s no surprise we’ve been inundated by an ever-growing number of fantastical, dastardly plots and schemes, founded or unfounded.

And this Big Brother-is-watching mentality begins right here on the local level. In fact, there’s a trio (and then some) of ‘30 Seconds’ callers who regularly phone in with their own brand of crazy: one who’s convinced that alien spacecraft can be spotted in the airspace above West Hill (ridiculous, because I’ve been watching for them for years now); another who’s positive the big, bad government is transporting nuclear weapons along the Route 12 corridor (hey, you never know); and a third who’s so paranoid that the local authorities are “out to get him,” well, let’s just say he is – beyond any shadow of a doubt – not all there, if you get my meaning.

What can I say? A little common sense never hurt anyone and – as the saying goes – sometimes you just can’t fix crazy.