Almost everyone we know has packed up and gone south for the winter. The ones who haven’t left yet will be gone soon. Our friends who live south of us are leaving to go even farther south. I have never been to Belize or Costa Rica or the Cayman Islands, but I constantly hear people say they are going back for the fourth or fifth time because they liked it so much. They also have much more money and time.

Where did I go wrong? Once again, I will probably have to spend the whole winter in my own house in my own town. How is it that Sue and I never spend the winter in Baja California or Montserrat?

This year I am determined to get out of town, if not for the whole winter, at least for a few weeks.

“How about Mexico?” I asked Sue.

“Fine,” she said, “if our beheading is free. I don’t want to pay extra for that. Make sure it’s part of our all-inclusive vacation package. I forget: How do you say, ‘Please, don’t kill me,’ in Spanish? I only took one year of it in high school. Do you use the polite form of ‘you’ or the familiar?”

“If you don’t want to go, you could just say ‘no’ like a normal person,” I said. “I’m sure there are plenty of places in Mexico that are just as safe as it is here. Cancun, Cabo, San Miguel de Allende ...”