Given a choice between the two, I would have gone with the model from the Mercedes Benz C Class lineup, with the V6 engine, leather seats and manual transmission – black with custom wheels, no less. But since money was tight, I went with option two: a 2001 Pontiac, with fabricated features like “rain deflecting rubber-edge blades” and “optional movement.” And a whole lot of problems on top.

That was four years ago. Since then, my car has sucked me dry, from repairs to tows to the occasional purchase of zip ties and duct tape just to keep it from falling apart. Money has been tight on several occasions because of it, putting me in positions where I had to choose between weekly groceries or a late bill payment – a decision ultimately determined by the color of the bill itself. Is it white or is it yellow? First notice or third? Did it come in the mail or was it tied to a brick and hurled through my living room window? When did the cable company make connections with the Italian Mafia, anyway?