Alert, alert! It is my duty to alert this country to an opportunity big as an elefunk. One that we are ignoring. We the people are. Yup.

I mean, we’ve got diamonds in our own back yard. We’ve got gold in our garbage. Sapphires in the septic. We’ve got a chance to make lemonade from the lemons we have been handed.

We’ve got scandal. You know this. We’ve got a Washington where everything and everybody is for sale secretly. You know this. Well, duh. How about we make money out of the sludge! And use that money to pay down our national debt. Let us recognize that scandal is a national treasure.

Here is the plan. Let us create a new government department. We are good at that. We will call it OTT, for On The Take. Yes. We will become transparent. We will admit to the world and ourselves what the world and we already know: Washington is for sale! Think of the possibilities.

First we need to elect the Clintons again. When Hillary was merely Secretary of State they raked in billions for their foundation. In colossal speaking fees. And unlikely contributions. When countries and companies had big issues before State they gave big bucks to the foundation. Presto! Things magically went their way.

Nobody charged the Clintons with crimes. So obviously there is nothing wrong with this. So…if countries and companies will give billions to influence a mere Secretary of State…? You are ahead of me on this, aren’t you? How much will they give to get to the President? Why, it’s got to be hundreds of billions.

Congress will go along with this. Because Congress has been for sale for decades. Both parties sell their votes on the big pieces of legislation. Congressguys arrive broke and go home millionaires. You know this.

OTT could bring all this out in the open. It could put out a catalog. With prices for policies. Changes in energy policy: $100 billion. New pipeline: $75 billion. Major changes in the tax code, starting at $10 billion each. Five for $40 billion.

We have so many opportunities here. Especially with the Clintons. Presidential pardons - $2 billion. Phone chat with Bill - $5 million. Spend a night with Bill - $25 million.

The Clintons used to sell nights in the Lincoln Bedroom, with and without stud fees. How about rides on Air Force One? Breakfast with Chelsea?

And why not sell naming rights? I bet Disney would pay thousands for Disney’s Grand Canyon. Imagine Donald Trump’s Washington Monument. The Lincoln Navigator 380 HP Monument. The Nike Smithsonian. Hey, nothing else is sacred around Washington. Why should these be?

How much would Givenchy pay for Hillary to carry their bag? How much will Jockey cough up for a Slick Willy line of shorts? You know it has to be big money. And thanks to the OTT this money would all be in the open.

America for sale! Why not? From foreign policy at a price. To advertising signs on the presidential limos. Let’s update the old slogan. The business of America is…Gimme, gimme. We are on the take and proud of it.

Now here is the maraschino atop the whipped cream. We have the magic of loaves and fishes here. We know how to parlay every billion into 100 billion.

Think cattle futures!!!

Yes, the alchemist of commodity trading will be sitting in the Pfizer Oval Office of our very own Citi White House. Hillary turned $1,000 into $100,000 in a few months. Buying cattle futures. She told us she did it by peeping at the Wall Street Journal. And from tips she remembered from her dad. Later she admitted she lied about the tips.

Well, the Journal is still around. We’ll buy her a subscription. Then the OTT will drop off satchels of the latest bribes every week. And presto! Before you can say Black Angus we’ll have wiped out our national debt. Why, the Chinese will be begging us to lend them money. The Swiss will be doing their banking with our GE Federal Reserve.

Let us put these people to work for the good of America. Onward with the OTT!

From Tom...as in Morgan.