“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness” is a fitting quote which readers should keep in mind while reading today’s column. With this writing homage is paid to the late, great Jim Wright, a long-time newspaper columnist. He first worked for The Binghamton Press and later the combined Press & Sun Bulletin out of the Norwich bureau. Jim’s annual Christmas columns were always a favorite of many people, as he offered some genuine and some tongue-in-cheek gifts to people and organizations. Only Santa knows which gifts are sincere and which gifts are satirical.
Chenango Industrial Development Agency Director Steve Craig; a model railroad under his Christmas tree that never washes out when it rains.
Supreme Court Justice elect Joseph McBride; an Eaton Center office with a nice view.
Assistant Chenango County District Attorney Michael Ferrarese; a fully staffed office with experienced attorneys. And, an office with a nice view.
Norwich Youth Bureau Director Robert Mason; the respect which is due to the longest serving city employee, ever. 40 plus years and counting.
To all those who signed a petition because Peebles is closing; Santa would like to introduce you to McLaughlin’s.
Law enforcement officers across the state; an accurate, inexpensive device to detect THC in a motorist’s blood in preparation for recreational marijuana use and the inevitable impaired drivers.
Residents of New Berlin; an ambulance service, paid or volunteer, that you deserve and NEED.
Members of the Norwich Common Council; your very own designated “NH” plate like the First Ward alderman is sporting on his car.
NBT Bank employees in Norwich; a tunnel under South Broad Street.
Sirius/XM radio subscribers; a free pass to turn right on red from West Main Street to South Broad Street when the Masonic Temple is blocking your satellite signal – which always happens during important news or your favorite song.
Norwich School District; after an exhaustive ‘nationwide search’ a superintendent candidate is found close to home.
Sherburne Mayor Bill Acee; an appointment to the New York Power Authority so all of his energy distribution knowledge doesn’t go to waste.
To the Evening Sun advertisers who sponsor the “Turn Back Tuesday” reminiscence page; lots of grateful customers who want to spend money.
Norwich Mayor Carnrike; a turn signal indicator so we can tell when she’s going to the left or to the right.
The Lewis family, owners of Lewis’ Restaurant in Sherburne; Santa says you don’t need to advertise on WBNG, but if you continue, he’ll bring you an addition for a bigger dining room.
Norwich Police Department; a complete year with a full staff with no gaps in the duty schedule. (Santa was going to bring you a new patrol car, but he saw that already happened – finally!)
Emergency Department staff at Chenango Memorial Hospital; the words “thank you” aren’t enough. You deserve so much more for the work you do.
School bus drivers everywhere; much needed updates to Passing Stopped School Bus laws which should allow the owner of a vehicle to receive a ticket at times when the driver can’t be identified.
People who pass stopped school buses; a burning bag of coal redeemable in hell.
Oxford Mayor Terry Stark, who said to us all “What do I do as Mayor? I really do nothing”; the gift of initiative to locate and read his job description. The Oxford community can help you with that, too.
President Trump; a GoFundMe page to raise money to pay for his border wall. That way neither the US taxpayers nor Mexico has to pay for it.
South New Berlin Fire Department; a million dollars’ worth of volunteers to fill your new million dollar fire station.
Norwich Housing Authority Director, Tammy Cobb; a riding lawn mower.
Coventry Town Justice Joseph Agunzo; a court officer of your very own, just like the one Judge Mavady has in Sherburne.
Norwich Fire Chief Jan Papelino; maps showing the quickest routes to Otselic, Oxford, New Berlin and everywhere else your ambulances are sent. Santa might even put in your stocking some Mirabito gift cards to help pay for the fuel.
Sheriff Ernest Cutting; a guarantee from uniform manufacturers assuring that basic black fabric won’t go out of style or be too difficult to produce like the exotic color gray material.
VFW Christy Rock Post 2782 members; a building façade and monument which is commensurate in stature with the sacrifices made by you during times of war.
Chenango United Way; a currency stretching device or a winning lottery ticket.
If you didn’t find your name on the list, don’t despair, Santa will surely bring you a fitting present. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!