It is just shy of 22 years ago that my father, Charles Angelino passed away. From the day he said “I don’t feel well” to the moment he died was nine days. We were all stunned he was gone so quickly.

It wasn’t until later my family realized we received a gift. The speed at which my father passed was a blessing to my family because we didn’t even have time to grasp how sick he was before he passed. The gift we received was our final memories of Charlie was that of a happy, golf playing, Yankee-baseball-watching, New York State Parks commissioner.

Not all families are so lucky. Often a terminal illness is a long, meandering journey to death, which drags the family through weeks or months of agonizing emotions. Not to mention the sickness, pain, and fear endured by their loved one who is nearing the end of their life.

The family of a sick relative endures stress not just from hospital visits and caring for their dying loved one but sometimes from being around other stressed-out members of the family who may not manage the situation in a helpful way. Small tasks like doing the laundry or going to the grocery store can be a challenge when trying to understand a complex conversation with a doctor while simultaneously worrying about a morphine drip.

At times like these, help comes from a group of unsung caregivers known as hospice. It is likely the average person’s only contact with hospice is reading their name at the end of an obituary which suggests a contribution.

In Chenango County, we are lucky to have a hospice organization which helps patients and families when crucial assistance is needed most. Hospice Chenango is a professional group of about 15 employees and dozens of volunteers who work to support their mission of allowing people to have comfort and dignity at their passing from this world.

With hospice care, a loved one’s mortality can be in a hospital setting with the family gathered nearby, or at home encircled by a familiar place and surrounded by personal cherished belongings. The people of hospice have only one mission; to provide support, comfort, and control of pain. Hospice neither prolongs a patient’s life nor hastens their death.

There is a myth that using hospice indicates a family has somehow “given up” and this is just false. The folks at Hospice Chenango will tell you that sometimes family members reject even having hospice care mentioned. It is understandable to have hushed or shouted conversations about the inevitable fate we all must face. However, most of those same people are grateful for hospice involvement toward the inescapable end.

There will come a point in some people’s lives when a doctor will tell them their end is near. Most likely this conversation will be centered on the disease of cancer, but there is a medical dictionary full of maladies which are just as thoroughly heartless. Having hospice included in this situation as early as possible works best for all involved. Please remember, the involvement of hospice is not a decision to die; it is a decision to live what life you have left to the fullest it can be.

An acquaintance of mine involved hospice at the end of his father’s life. He was grateful for an obscure reason that a stranger came into their home to help care for his father. The hospice worker upon meeting his dad asked about certain keepsakes displayed in the home. Their father told stories about the objects which the family had never heard. A cherished family memory was made in that way.

Tomorrow night at the Canasawacta Country Club there will be a gathering of the Hospice Chenango staff, its volunteers, supporters, and the medical community along with the family of past patients. This dinner is their annual fundraiser where the organization’s good deeds are celebrated and a time to honor some of the hospice heroes.

The money raised at this event will help defer the ever-rising costs of care provided to patients. Hopefully, I’ll see you there. If you can’t make the dinner, you can show your support by donating to Hospice Chenango at 21 Hayes Street Norwich, NY 13815.