Kerri Green

Dear Friends,

It’s funny when you think about being a kid and all the things you needed permission for. School trips, hanging out with a friend, staying up late, dessert – extra dessert, sleepovers, and even church activities needed a permission slip from a guardian. It’s no wonder, after twenty years of 'needing permission,' that we rarely allow ourselves the ease and comfort of doing something for ourselves.

Many of you likely started the new year with a resolution or two. Maybe you wanted to quit smoking, not work so much, be a more patient parent, reach out to friends or family, or like me lose weight and exercise regularly. So far, I am doing pretty well on my resolution. I have been a member of My Home Gym in Bainbridge for a couple of years now, since I promised myself that before I turned 40, I was finally going to get back into shape. It’s been a couple of years since I made that promise to myself, and I have yet to stick with a routine – until now. When My Home Gym finally got the green light to reopen the first week of September, I showed up on day 1, at 5 a.m. – and have stuck with this, regularly for the past four months. I even find myself looking forward to my early morning routine!

So, what made this time different for me? After years of half-heartedly going to the gym, and weight loss programs that never seem to stick. Everything from Weight Watchers, and Keto, to Atkins, natural supplements, and shakes. Believe me, I have tried them all! When I really think about the difference in my life now, compared to a few years ago, I can attribute this to a couple of things.

For one, my career and my life are pretty great right now. My kids are happy and healthy, and I truly enjoy my work at Commerce Chenango. Enjoying your job is a must to a happy lifestyle. Other than home, you spend the most time at work or doing work. Imagine if you hated your job, or found no thrill in what you did each day. Happiness is a helpful ingredient to a positive outlook. It wasn’t always this way for me, and the added stress of dieting or exercise seemed to be just one more burden.

The other thing that’s different, is I have learned how to give myself a break, and relax. Okay so my friends, family and co-workers are now laughing – “You? Relaxed?” Compared to where I was just a few years ago, wound so tight, full of anxiety, super seriousness and stressed – yes, I am much more chill than I used to be!

For the most part, I am sticking to what I would consider a good balanced diet. However, if I want something I really “shouldn’t” have, I have it anyways. Last week, in fact, I went to Sherburne to research some projects and took the opportunity to go to Gilligan’s Restaurant for lunch. Did I have something healthy like a salad or wrap? No way. I had a delicious burger, curly fries and a big fat mint chocolate chip ice cream in a sprinkled waffle cone. It was so worth it! I think the “old me” would have thrown up her hands, declared defeat, and stopped dieting and going to the gym because I had undoubtedly just ruined it all. How dramatic was I? The new, happier me, realizes that I can’t deny myself a treat once in a while and that at the end of the day, it will take a lot more than a yummy treat to wreak havoc on my diet and exercise plan. It makes it all worthwhile to indulge and enjoy sometimes.

No matter what your current struggle is, be it weight loss, exercise, your job, your home, kids, parents … I think we all just need to give ourselves permission to relax and take a step back. We’re adults now, and there isn’t anyone following us around telling us what we can and cannot do. We need to make our own choices, and decide what is best for us.

Here is your blank permission slip, redeemable at any time for any reason: “I give myself permission to ________." Remind yourself about this anytime you need a break, want to do something for yourself, or are feeling badly about something.

As a working mom, I know I struggle with this a lot. I had a moment last week when I felt like I was failing as a parent, because unknown to me, my youngest daughter was struggling with one of her classes. Not only did I not realize that she was having trouble, but I had no idea how much anxiety she was feeling about it. How had I let it get this far, where she was upset and missing work assignments? I’m not an absent mom, but yes, I work out of the home so on her remote days, she is on her own. Somehow, in my checking of her classroom summary, I had missed this one class.

I gave myself a permission slip that day. “Today I give myself permission to ask for help”. I spoke with her teacher, and that night I worked with Grace to see what the problem was. Luckily, it wasn’t as bad as I thought, and by the end of the marking period she is now passing, and feels more confident now that she understands what she was doing wrong with her online assignments. It doesn’t make you a bad parent if you don’t know how to help your child and need to ask for assistance from those who can help.

Give yourself permission to ask for help. To eat that ice cream. To skip a day at the gym. To ask for advice. To take a mental health day. To sit on the couch, and binge-watch a show. To snuggle up with a book. To order take out for dinner.

No one is going to tell you to do these things, and no one but you knows when you need a time out. For your mental health, well-being and sanity, write out that blank permission slip now and use it when you need it.

I am taking my own advice this week, something else I am not great at, and I am giving myself permission to take a much-needed day off. I may even order my favorite pizza and dessert, just because I can!

Be well, Chenango.

~ Kerri