Dear Friends,

Any parent with a child away at college can appreciate the excitement that comes when you know that they are coming home for the summer.

It’s can be a mix of emotions. Pride that they completed another year of college; excitement to hear how the semester went; a little bit of nervousness because you want their re-entry into “home-life” to go smoothly. As they get older, and more independent, it becomes a little harder to actually “parent” them.

Have you ever tried grounding a 20-year-old? At what point does the threat of a punishment go away? It’s a strange dance of you not being sure you really have the power to do it, they aren’t sure they need to listen anymore, and neither of you want to test the theory! For a while it seems like the threat is enough, but at what age does that even lose it’s impact?

This past weekend was Mother’s Day, and it was even more special for me because Rachael came home, having just completed her Junior year of college. I knew this year’s homecoming would be complicated for her too. It must get harder and harder to leave the life you have built away from “home” and return to what is not normal for you. This year feels different for me, because I am acutely aware of how much she would rather be there than here. Her college, community and friends have become her “home” and “home home” has become a place she visits. I can’t really blame her; at school she has unlimited freedom, friends, a boyfriend and a job. It’s the life she lives eight months out of the year, with a few short trips in between and a summer vacation.

I feel proud and sad all at the same time. She is doing all of the things I ever dreamed she would. She’s flourishing in college, exploring career prospects, making a life for herself and is so independent. She knows what she wants, she won’t take less than what the believes she deserves and is so stubborn about it. I have no clue where she gets this from!

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t sad about the fact that she would rather be at school than at home. I know it’s not personal, and she’s doing what we all hope and expect our kids will do. Leave home, find happiness, explore different paths, and eventually spread their wings.

How do parents do it when their kids live far away from them? I have friends with kids who live hours away and even across the country. When I talk with them, my heart hurts for them and I think how luck I am that we still have one at home and the others aren’t too far away … for now at least.

This coming fall, Rach will begin her Senior year of college, it’s all to clear to me that she’s moving on and moving forward with her life. She’s looking into various law schools, and with that considering where she will start her career. While I knew this was coming, I didn’t realize how quickly it would be here. I look at our youngest, who is a brand-new teenager, and I remember Rachael being that age and it wasn’t that long ago.

With the return of Rachael, it’s funny how quickly the house dynamic shifts. When she’s not here, I am definitely the odd man out. Blake and Grace often team up against me, pick on me, they have their inside jokes, and they will back each other up like when it’s takeout night. They always agree and I have to just go along with majority rule, except when my mini-me is here; she always backs me up.

Rach is my backup. When she’s home I have my Lieutenant, my confidant, and my partner in crime. Things are usually great for a few days, as we reacclimate into life together, but soon the old squabbles will come back into play. Mostly we disagree over the use of the bathroom. There is one bathroom upstairs, and at night it becomes a game of who will get there first. Listen, if I don’t get in there before her, it’s a good 15 minutes of waiting, while she does her nighttime regimen. I’d also like to point out that she knows that I need to be out of the bathroom in the morning by 7:15 so I can finish getting ready for work. I swear she waits around the corner for me to slip out for one second, and when I am waiting with an unhappy look on my face, she looks up at me with that wide-eyed innocent look and says “what?”

Other than that, we are thick as thieves. We like the same shows, enjoy shopping, we like the same foods and generally have the same sense of humor … and temperament. We both need to be right, have the last word and feel like we can talk our way through anything. Honestly, she is much better about this, which is why she will make an amazing lawyer one day!

Our kids are the best and the worst parts of us, wrapped up in life-size mirror image. We do what we can to give them advantages that we either didn’t have (or didn’t take) and hope you have given them the tools they need to do more.


Already I feel like Rachael is galaxies beyond where I was at her age. It took me a long time to figure out my place in the world, what I wanted, and how to be brave enough to not accept less. She has that figured out at 20 years old! She found her voice and isn’t afraid to use it. She inspires me and gives me that extra “push” I sometimes need.

For now, I am thankful to be fighting over the bathroom, plan shopping trips, and listening to her rows with her little sister. Until she sets off for a new horizon, I will be thankful that we have this time together.

Be well, Chenango.

~ Kerri