Dear Friends,

There’s nothing like the morning after a fresh snowfall. Everything is blanketed in white, the trees are glistening, and there is a layer of fluffy snow everywhere.

When I was a kid, I would wake up, look out my window and get excited at the sight of this freshly fallen snow. I’d quickly get dressed – layering on the clothes, snow pants, thick jacket, hat, mittens, scarf … just picture the kid from “A Christmas Story”; that was the basic idea.

My sister and I would wobble outside ready to make a snowman, only to find that the fluffy snow wouldn’t stick. No matter how many times we tried to make a snowball and start the process of rolling, the snow wouldn’t cooperate. After a while we would just give up and make snow angels instead. We’d stay outside until our noses were frozen, and then go inside for some hot chocolate. Anyone else have a ‘Hot Shot”? They were the best for a quick cup of cocoa.

In fact. the best snowball making snow isn’t when it’s fresh and fluffy. The snow is too loose and lacks the water it needs to pack together. What you need is warmer snow that is a little melted, has some moisture, and even a bit of dirt. As a kid this it’s a difficult concept to grasp. Snow equals snowballs, which equals snowman. But in the end, no matter how hard you try, it’s never going to work.

The holidays can be a stressful time. We put so much pressure on ourselves to have the perfect holiday and create lasting memories. It’s an unreasonable expectation that everything will go smoothly, perfectly and will be better than the year before. If you have kids there is an added pressure of present shopping, wrapping and hiding.

For many families who struggle financially, the holiday season puts additional strain on the desire to make sure loved ones and children are taken care of and that the holiday is special for them. There are a number of programs locally that are there to help families in need to provide assistance from warm clothing to gifts and food. It’s extra stressful time for these families, and it’s important to recognize that the looming holiday season is not as exciting for some, and their burdens are not as easily fixed.

This is also the time of year when families get together, and that can add a layer of anxiety. Whether you are the one hosting or you are the one who travels from house to house, the anticipation of this is enough to make you want to skip it all and just stay home.

You know what? No holiday is perfect. Accept that now and give yourself the permission to be less than perfect.

There will be a toy or game for your kid that’s either missing a part, is broken or maybe needs batteries and you forgot to stock up. Here is your pre-Christmas reminder to get a small stash of batteries; I’d get a variety just to be safe.

Someone won’t be as excited about a gift you gave them as you think they will be. You’ll be bummed out about their lack of enthusiasm. This typically happens with teenagers, and they are moody, so don’t let it get you down.

Someone in your family will get mad at someone else and there will be a weird tension. Bound to happen when family convenes, especially if you all haven’t been together for a while. I would make rule now to stay way from politics, COVID and vaccination discussions. That should help cut down on the arguments.

Or the best one yet, your child gets sick, and you have to cancel all of the plans you made, which included going to a relative’s house for dinner and now you have to cook and have nothing except the side dish you were bringing. This has happened to me more than once over the years. I would suggest having a backup meal planned, especially considering COVID, potential for quarantines, etc.

Just like the freshly fallen snow that will refuse to pack into a snowball, no matter how hard you try and how much stress you put on yourself, there is also no such thing as a perfect holiday. It’s an impossible expectation that is really fueled by the warm and fuzzy shows and movies that continually broadcast happy families where everything gets worked out in the end. It’s not real.

You know which movies I like best? The ones where nothing goes as planned. While not everyone’s cup of tea, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” is the closest thing to what a real-life family gathering is like. The tree burns down, the turkey is overcooked, the house gets destroyed, the crazy cousin and his family arrive unexpectedly, you deal with snarky comments from the in-laws, kids are unhappy, and you will get into an argument with your spouse.

That is real life.

When I think back to my childhood, my Christmas memories include sneaking downstairs to see the presents under the tree and running back upstairs to wake up my parents. I remember the whole family cramming into the car to go see relatives. I remember lots and lots of food. I remember my sister getting car sick and being grossed out as she was squished between myself and my brother in the back seat of the car. And I remember getting my “New Kids on the Block” comforter, which I used for many years, long after my love of Donnie Wahlberg and the rest of NKOTB faded. My mom warned me I’d have to use this for a long time if I insisted that I needed it. She kept up her side of the deal and eventually the comforter was flipped upside down to hide the five faces of my favorite childhood boy band.

Just like the fluffy freshly fallen snow will never become a snowman, there is also no such thing as a perfect Christmas, no matter how much pressure you use or how hard you try. You need some water and a little dirt to make it work, and the most memorable holidays are the ones where things didn’t go exactly as planned.

Give yourself a break and be well,

~ Kerri