Dear Friends,

If you were a kid in the 80’s, then I give you a lot of credit for surviving what was considered child appropriate film and television of this decade.

It makes sense that the television rating of PG-13 didn’t even exist until 1983, and the first movie to ever get this rating was “The Flamingo Kid”. Television ratings back then were not given as much consideration as they are today; and for those of us who survived the “latchkey kid era”, two thumbs up. We are the last of the true survivors!

What’s a “latchkey kids”? If you have to ask, then you weren’t one.

We are the mostly Gen-X kids from the 70’s and 80’s who were left home alone (mostly unsupervised), had the run of the town and who’s only requirement was to be at the dinner table. We were self-sufficient, great at figuring things out on our own and are today’s most put together, strong-willed adults. If you are fiercely independent, like to learn things the hard way and are in your late 30’s, early 40’s then you are probably a fellow latchkey kid! (wave)

Most summers I ran around the streets near my home hanging at friends’ houses, riding bikes and walking to the local pool on warmer days. Other than dinnertime, you had to come home when the streetlights came on or when your mother yelled for you from the back porch. If you were too far away to hear her, then you were in trouble because that meant you strayed further away from homebase than allowed.

My mom’s voice could be heard with at least a two-block radius, so if she called you better come running. The only nights that you were allowed out after dark were the nights all the kids from the neighborhood played ‘Manhunt’.

My friend Amber and I were recently discussing this very topic, and we were comparing how different our childhood was from today in terms of film, movies and books. Our stuff was pretty dark, and there is a name for it: film noir.

Two words: peanut butter.

‘The Peanut Butter Solution’ is a film from 1985. I always had such fond memories of this movie and a few years ago I shared this with a friend who had never heard of it. Here’s the summary: an 11-year-old boy sneaks into a burned-out house, gets a ‘fright’, passes out and when he wakes up, he has lost all of his hair. He “meets” the ghosts that gave him the ‘fright’ and they give him a recipe that will grow his hair back. He uses too much peanut butter, and the spell goes wrong; his hair grows back but won’t stop growing. Turns out his hair is magic, and his art teacher (a struggling artist) discovers the magic behind his hair. He kidnaps the boy (keeps him in a drug-induced coma), and also kidnaps a number of kids from the area to manufacture magical paintbrushes, made with the kid’s hair.

I decided she had to see it, so I ordered a DVD copy; I couldn’t wait to share this with her and with my kids! They were going to love it as much as I did.

Thirty or so years really dimmed my memory of this movie. It was weird, awkward and creepy. I sat there thinking, “I watched this as a kid? Why did I remember this as a great movie of my childhood?” I resigned to the fact that perhaps “The Peanut Butter Solution” wasn’t the masterpiece I once thought it was.

I can’t talk about dark movies of the 80’s without referencing a movie that my sister, Katie, loved but I found horrifying: “The Tale of a Bunny Picnic” (1986).

You would think that something created by Jim Henson created wouldn’t be creepy (albeit some people find ‘Labyrinth’ creepy, but I’ve already addressed my feelings on that).

So, this bunny, Bean, is basically an annoying younger sibling and when his older siblings tell him to stop getting in the way, he goes off to find his own adventure.

He meets a dog (named Dog) who is being abused by the farmer. Dog tried to kidnap Bean so the farmer can kill him and put in a stew. When Dog doesn’t bring back bunnies, the farmer beats him. Totally child appropriate.

Anyway, to scare away Dog, the bunnies create an absolutely horrifying large bunny costume, which backfires. The farmer shows up and Dog is so scared of him that the bunnies unite to help him defeat the farmer.

In addition to the murder, animal cruelty and mean names that are called there are several annoying and cringey songs to go along with this tale, which my sister sang over and over again. This was no “Lamb Chops Play-a-Long”, which was also weird but not in a nightmare-ish way.

My sister watched this movie so many times that the tape broke. You see back in the 80’s we had VHS tapes; the actual “tape” would tangle in the machine and sometimes broke.

Do you have any guesses as to what the top ten “darkest movies” of the 80’s were?

The Dark Crystal (1982)

Stand By Me (1986)

Clash of the Titans (1981)

The Care Bears Movie (1985)

Legend (1985)

Teen Wolf (1985)

Willow (1988)

Labyrinth (1986)

Return to Oz (1985)

The NeverEnding Story (1984)

Anyone else having flashbacks of Artax dying in the quicksand?

Who wants to see a dead body?

The weird headless woman and hall of talking heads in the Emerald City?

Don’t forget about Dark Heart and his evil plans.

Kids from the 80’s are tough … but I don’t ever want to watch “Legend” or “Tale of the Bunny Picnic” ever again!

Be well,

– Kerri

The views and opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views and positions of any entity that this author represents.